That Aching Feeling

Hello lovelies,

Apparently I can only sit my butt down to write a blog once a month lately, I guess that's okay considering I have been sick, had spring break, and am now in the midst of opera prep/the last few weeks of school.

I wanted to write because I don't really know how else to cope with this, and maybe you can relate; if you've ever been in a long distance relationship (LDR) you already know what I'm feeling, probably. If not, then I completely envy you, but in the nicest way possible; I wouldn't trade my relationship for anything and I love my husband more than life.

But guess what? Ever since I moved to college we have had to deal with distance; even when I moved back to Alabama and we were in the same state I still have been two hours away from him when school is in session.
Now that we are married there is nothing stopping us from seeing each other weekends, which is amazing, but during the week we can't be together. It sucks, that's an understatement but it's what I feel.

Yep, I am SUPER blessed to even have a husband, to even see him on weekends, but that doesn't diminish the fact that every goodbye is harder and harder, and that when I am my loneliest I can't turn to him and melt in his arms. I know that there are others who have it worse than I do, and I am not interested in a pity party or a "who has it worse" contest, because comparison is stupid and pointless. Do you really WANT to have it worse? Geez.

But because *someone* always has it worse, I feel like I can't talk about this to most people. And that's just so crappy, in my opinion; shouldn't I be allowed to miss my freaking husband? We are newlyweds and the MOST we have spent together in our marriage is 10 days, and that was only because of spring break (before that week, we had only spent together 4 days in a row). We haven't even had our honeymoon yet because of my school; yep, it's a choice we both make to allow me to finish my degree and for him to work in our hometown, and I'm glad that I am sticking with school but it freaking STINKS to be in this situation.

Honestly, this semester has been one of the hardest on me, emotionally. Now I'm not just saying goodbye to a boyfriend or fiance, I am saying goodbye to my husband, my partner, my soulmate, my one and only. We are one now, and that makes the goodbyes harder than they ever were, even though I see him more frequently now. It's also been a rough semester due to changing friendships in my life, and so many losses of friendships over the last year; some nights I feel the only person I can trust is my husband (again, I am grateful for that, he is my everything, after all), but I crave that closeness in a friend that I can just go hang out with when I am lonely or that I can invite to try new things with me. My time at this school is almost up, and has been shorter than normal because of transferring, so I'm in this weird limbo situation with classmates. I'm pretty much just friendly with people as they are friendly to me, but no closeness truly happens or truly lasts (I get glimpses of it briefly, then the person just kind of moves on to the next, and I have to watch them be close...it sucks, but I just turn away and try to realize that it wasn't meant to be and they can just be my polite acquaintances).

All of this to say, I miss my husband, I miss having a best friend outside of my romantic relationship, and I hate goodbyes.

In 3.5 weeks this semester will be over, and I will feel better. Logically I know this, and I've been getting better with dealing with these emotions. But in this moment, the one right after he had to go home this time (usually I visit him, this time he visited me) I am feeling a physical pain in my chest and have been holding back tears while trying to distract myself. It feels like something inside me is not okay, like there is truly a piece missing or something crumbling from within.

 I will live, and in 3.5 weeks I will get to live with him again. But this sucks, so so much.

***

The positive side to all of this? We are so close and have been through so much, we value our time together so much more, and I think we are stronger for it. No power in the 'verse can stop us, and we are an example of an LDR that succeeded and is still going strong after 4.5 years of being together.
There is hope, always! LDRs aren't easy, but they are doable. I am proud of my relationship, and know that when I am in my husband's arms that the aching will go away. This period is temporary, and will someday no longer be the norm. Thank goodness!

***

If you're still reading, thank you for listening; I hope that my vulnerability can help someone else. You are not alone in your suffering!

xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

My Perfect Date #LoveBlog

Hello friends,

I hope your week is turning out well :)


Today's topic is about Perfect Dates, and I honestly have had to think about this because I usually am quite fine with simple regular dates (ask my husband, I am pretty chill).



First, let me list my top favorite dates of the past:

*Surprise picnic at the park downtown- I love being deceived when it involves a surprise or gift, it makes my "girl who has to know"-brain very satisfied trying to solve the mystery!



*Our dates to the Museum of Natural Science- we went several times when I lived in Houston and he would fly in to visit me; we love to nerd out and that place was fantastic. We also liked walking around the city (once we went to a park down there and have many fond memories, including a bird that kept harassing me and following us!)



*Waffle House and the movies- this was our first valentine together, we were still a fairly new couple (but very in love) and we wanted to be frugal but still enjoy a lovey dovey day together. We decided to get all dressed up (fancy pants!) and go to Waffle House (frugal and yum!) where I promptly spilled my glass of water alllllll over the table and floor....we have since decided that it isn't a real date unless I spill something. Then we went to the movies and saw Red Tails. Because we are awesome like that ;)


*The proposal- duh, of course this is one of my favorite dates! He took me to our first date spot, and it was super romantic because it had snowed the day before, and got on one knee and asked me the best question ever! It was private too, and super sweet. It was also nice to see where our relationship got started, and where our first kiss was!



So, to describe a perfect date, it would have to be some sort of combination of any of the above, but really the perfect date is any time we make for each other and are together. I love my husband and all I need is to be near him and I am joyful.

***

What would your perfect date look like?
What's been your favorite date ever??


xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

Meet Alexandra Anne: wife, gamer, fitness lover, opera-singer, fur mommy, writer, dreamer. Addicted to mugs, music, and finding passion in life. 

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Valentine #LoveBlog

Happy February 4th, my friends! It's Thursday, the work week is ALMOST over, hang in there!

I'm trying to get things done, and keep up the blog hehe, and prepare for my recital this Saturday. Eek! It's not an easy life, but at the end of the day I know I'm working towards some awesome goals, so that keeps me going. AND I get to see my husband tonight! Yay! (Long distance sucks, but thank goodness we can see each other for weekends and he has tomorrow off from work!)


Today's #LoveBlog linkup question is about Valentine's Day! Brita asks us what our valentine plans are and what our favorite valentine has ever been.


This year is our first married Valentine's Day, and we will probably be celebrating the whole weekend and just spend time together. That being said, we also would LIKE to go camping, should the weather permit. One of our wedding gifts was a huge ton of camping gear and a tent and a double sleeping bag, so we really want to utilize that gift! Plus we love hiking and nature, so it'll be great to go up one of Huntsville Alabama's many mountains and enjoy the view.

How cozy does this look??

Huntsville is just gorgeous. We live in a beautiful city!

As for the best Valentine's Day, that's really hard to pin down. I've been with Michael since October of 2011, so we have celebrated 4 Valentine's Days together. Last year's was really nice; we were both broke at the time so we both painted each other little cute cards, and played world of tanks online together (Valentanks day, as we call it) and then celebrated the REAL holiday, the next day, Half Priced Candy Day :) It was really funny last year because I knew Michael had been working on acquiring an engagement ring, but that's all I knew, there were no details. So he kept reiterating to me that I would NOT be getting a proposal on Valentine's Day (which would've been cheesy and kind of lame anyway, BUT at that point in time I wouldn't have minded because I was ready to get engaged!). He did eventually propose, just two weeks later, so I was a happy camper (hehe, camper, see why we need to go camping? Ok, I'll leave the puns alone...for now...). 

The thing about Michael is we can do anything and nothing but as long as we are together we are so happy and joyful. We've been through many hardships over the last four years, and they have only made us stronger. And the thing about long distance is that it makes you appreciate the time in person even more, because you know how the aching feels to be apart. 

Since we are Firefly nerds in our relationship, I'll end with our version of my favorite quote from the show. "No power in the 'verse can stop us." (In the show, Kaylee says "me" instead of us, but I think it's close enough!)

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne 

Keep Going, No Matter What

Hey friends,

I wanted to blog yesterday, but got hit with emotions and a to-do list that freaked me out, so I just didn't write. Today I was super busy and stressed and running around like crazy, so I wasn't even home to write.

Well I've been home for a while and did the usual "end of day" tasks such as cooking dinner, doing the dishes, watching Netflix on the couch while digesting said dinner, and meal-prepping some for tomorrow.

I was procrastinating because I also didn't know what to write. I wanted to start linking up to a friend's blog, but I think today I need to write for myself. And that's ok :)


Guess what? No one has it all figured out, and no one has a perfect life. I almost wish we didn't have personal social media platforms like facebook and instagram, because we all put up lies of some sort and still compare ourselves to the lies that someone else is posting (I'm not accusing you of lying on the internet, I just mean that it isn't real life, it's the part of life we feel like sharing at that moment).

But here on my corner of the internet (does the internet have corners? That implies a certain shape, unless it's a shape with many many sides and therefore many many corners...ok, I'm overthinking it, sorry ya'll) is where I hope to be as real as I can and not put up just the happy updates of my life. Yep, I'm super blessed and I wouldn't give up my life for anything (except God). But some things just downright suck.

Right now, school sucks; it's my senior year and I have a recital this weekend, an opera in a few months, so so many classes, and I'm trying to graduate in December so I have to do well. My neighbors suck; they have a ritual of waking me up at 11something-pm every night to yell and then wake up their baby who then cries and screams too. Long distance sucks; I am super blessed to even get to see my husband when I do, but it's usually only 3 days a week or 3 nights together. I know this is temporary, but long distance is not for the faint of heart!


But I am grateful. Grateful that I get to go through these crappy situations and learn and grow from them. They are temporary, and I am making my own life better and better as I am able.


I am so grateful for this space online that I can share with you my heart, and I hope that you feel safe here too.

So, have a great week my friends, and keep counting your blessings.

xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

Get Up and Go

Happy 2016!

It's a new year and so much has already happened, it's unbelievable.

I got married last week, eee! Pictures and posts to come, I'm still processing that it really happened ;)

I started my second semester of senior year of college]

I've started rehearsals for my last college opera, Cosi Fan Tutte

This weekend we will be having a reception party for friends who didn't come to the wedding itself because we had an intimate private ceremony with our closest family and friends. Much cake and champagne will be had!



So because I'm married and in school, we are actually doing long distance marriage during the week and can only see each other weekends, and sometimes not every weekend.

Sounds awful, right? But we are doing decently, we have much experience with distance and used to be even farther apart.

But it means that when I started classes this week I had to say goodbye to my husband and drive two hours away and be strong. I didn't want to go, and part of me wanted to drop out of school entirely (am I dramatic or what?). But you know what? I got up and went. I put my big-girl panties on and conquered the day.

It isn't easy, and I will never claim to be an expert or to be ok with my situation all the time. But I am loyal to my husband and our commitment gets us through anything life may throw at us.


I can't wait to see what other adventures this journey of marriage brings us, because I am sharing my life now with my favorite person in the world. No power in the 'verse can stop us.

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne 

Hop Hop

(Random titles that have nothing to do with your post, awesome right?)

I had a lovely girly night last night with my friend Robynne; we watched "Say Yes To The Dress" (and other girly wedding shows/movies), ate popcorn, perused pinterest, and had way too much fun giggling at life. 

Sometimes, we just need to giggle. Laughter is the best medicine, right? 

There *is* a time for tears, of course. For me, that time was Thursday. I was sick, and had to leave a voice lesson because of it. Honest to goodness, I called my momma and cried my heart out. I know it's not my *fault* for being sick, and that it isn't the end of the world. But I was tired, and felt weak. I miss home, a lot a lot, and I'm very close to my family. They get me. We're all a little crazy ;) 

Laughter and tears both have their place, and sometimes they can be back to back or simultaneous! 

These are the thoughts on my mind this Saturday :)

xoxo,

alexandra anne <3