Dusty Boots

I have a problem. Ok, everyone has problems, I'd be lying if I said I only had one. This is one I'm dealing with: I have this terrible need for closure. Oh, and a side bar of that problem is I cannot block people out of my life, I'm "too nice" to them. Wait, what? Yes, sometimes I need to let go of people that Satan is using, and I just can't. I let him win little battles, and then I beat myself up even more.

Last night I decided to wear some old boots. They were cute, I wanted to wear boots with that outfit.
But they were dusty when I picked them up off my bathroom floor (I have too many shoes, some are in my closet, some in my bedroom, and some in the bathroom; there just isn't room in any one spot for all my shoes!). Why were the boots dusty? Obviously, they have not been worn in a very long time. I honestly could not tell you the last time I wore those boots. But let me tell you where I got the boots; my ex gave them to me for Christmas a few years ago.

Why do I still have boots from my ex? Well...you can't really give those back now can you? What would a teenage boy do with girly boots?

The question has now become: why did I pick up the boots again? I have other brown boots... It's that nagging need for closure. He isn't really in my life now, and I was feeling guilt, sorrow, aching for the past? I don't know... but the funny thing is, my body rebelled.

Let me digress momentarily; I am a singer, an opera singer actually, so I have, over the years, become more aware of my body and what it needs. (This is also why I am partially on the Paleo diet, or what I call "God's Diet" where I only eat natural foods, to honor the body God gave me) So little things about my body will make me very sensitive; I'm quite attuned to my body's needs and the signals it gives me. If my body is in pain, I am quick to investigate and figure out why, that way I can take care of it and maybe prevent the pain from happening again.

How did my body rebel after wearing some boots from my ex? (Sounds Freudian, I swear it isn't) The boots were too small. My feet haven't grown in the two years I've had the boots; the boots were always too small. In retrospect, I see this is almost a metaphor for the relationship I stayed in. I was swallowed. There was no room for growth. I kept trying to walk, despite the blisters. 

So this morning, when I woke up to a blister on my foot, I realized that I need to heal. It's ok to let people out of my life. God has put the right people in my life, and I am so happy! But when I cling to the past, and seek "closure" it can only end in tears and scars.

"Every good thing given and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shifting shadow." James 1:17

Earthly gifts really cannot compare to the gift from our heavenly Father.

"For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also." Matthew 6:21

"He will endure as long as the sun, as long as the moon, through all generations. He will be like rain falling on a mown field, like showers watering the earth." Psalm 72:5-6 

Let the Lord's rain heal and grow you! Let Him be your treasure, the keeper of your heart. There is no better gift than the gift of Jesus Christ.

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." 

Psalm 73:25-26

Daily Journey Of Grace

[Romans 11:13-21]

"If the part of the dough offered as firstfruits is holy, then the whole batch is holy; if the root is holy, so are the branches."

This morning God hit me with a bucket of grace; that's like a bucket of ice cold water in your face, but one filled with joy and love.

We are the branches of the church. How neat is it that we are many parts of a body working together for one ultimate purpose? God's glory is the best purpose ever!
"...you stand by faith. Do not be arrogant, but be afraid. For it God did not spare the natural branches, He will not spare you either."

Sometimes I read these passages and think "ouch!" But it's a good ouch. I'm glad our Lord is just AND gives mercy.

"... (you) share in the nourishing sap from the olive root..." We receive nourishing from the original tree; God's love, grace, and mercy!

Grace is God's pure gift to us. We can receive that grace through faith, which is a gift itself.
Look at all these gifts!

But who paid the price for these gifts? "He was wounded because of our rebellious deeds, crushed because of our sins; He endured punishment that made us well; because of His wounds we have been healed." Isaiah 53:5

Our sin has been removed. Grace is the only explanation! Grace every day! Today, tomorrow, forever!

But there is a deal; I can't just say "Ok God, you got this. I'm gonna chill now, not really worry about sin, and I'll just take care of myself really, because I know you'll work it all out, man."

No.

I must give it all up to Him. I must do my part, but I have to give God my whole life, my whole being. Because without Him, what do I even have?

"You do not support the root, but the root supports you." He must be our foundation. Always.

One of the last points in our church's sermon hit me, I knew I had to share it:

"My walk with the Lord is a daily journey that requires surrender." 

Crazy, Passion, Love

It's pretty safe to say that everyone loves music to a certain extent. Music drives us, entertains us, calms us, energizes us, etc. We don't all care for the same style of music, but most people like some kind of music. It's a common factor among people.
But how many of us mean it when we say "I love music!"? How many of us would put our life on the line for music's sake? Who would risk their livelihood and careers for music?

11 months ago I had one of those moments. I knew. It wasn't what I would've picked necessarily, and I certainly cannot say I chose my passion. It hit me full throttle. Kind of like when someone throws a cream pie in your face. WOOSH! (See how crazy it is? I have to relate it to pie…it's honestly the only analogy that comes close to describing it!)
I fell in love…with opera!

Opera.
Classical music.
Music.
Music….

I can't claim to know my future one bit, I have to trust God on that (He has it all worked out, that I know!) but I DO know that God has given me this passion for a reason. The most I know right now is: go to school.
Wait….what? Go to school…for opera?? What? Ok…

Does anyone know how difficult that is? (This isn't complaining, I thank God every day for the joy of music and the love He gave me!) Applying for colleges with a major in Vocal Performance is a long and arduous process. Long story short: Apply, send in an audition dvd, get (hopefully) invited, go audition at said school, wait for acceptance/rejection, wait some more, wait wait wait. That's the basic process. It's almost May and I still don't know what college I am going to.

But guess what?
I couldn't be happier.
I have a clear message from God. I know what He needs me to do right now. I'm not guaranteed anything, I don't have a clue as to what is down the road. But I know He is telling me to go to school. I can't wait! And each day, I fall more and more in love with music.

Thanking God for His blessings!

Tugging at My Heart

You know how when you ride a roller coaster you get butterflies in your stomach? Or the opposite kind of butterflies, when you get called in to the principal's office? What about an altogether different kind of feeling that cannot be described as easily as a butterfly?

Something is tugging at my heart, so to speak. I'm not even sure I'm fully aware of it yet. Is that crazy? Sometimes I get wild ideas in my head and don't follow through. I get excited momentarily, then move on and forget completely.

I haven't been living up to my own standards. (God's standards? Yikes...so not even close) But today I felt the tug. I thought I would feel a different sort of tug, perhaps a guilt feeling. It isn't like that. It's more like a friend you haven't seen in a while is asking you in for a cup of coffee. That's not guilt-provoking at all! This friend says, "come on in, I've missed you. Will you stay a while?"

I'm not summoned to make gargantuan life changes at this moment, but I feel called to start with little changes definitely.

I crave the Word now, and am off to seek God's presence more and more. I cannot do it alone; I'm counting on Him, and the accountability He has placed in my life. (1 Chronicles 16:11 Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually!)




Will you do the same?


1 Corinthians 10:13  No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.

Goodbye, But Not Yet

Today is Friday; I haven't written in a while. Five-Minute Friday seems like a good day to get back in the swing of blogging.
Linking up with The Gypsy Mama and writing for five minutes straight. Unedited thoughts.

Today's word? Goodbye.

Ready? Set? Write, Allie...

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I will admit I have felt abandonment before. More than I have let on, actually.
Goodbyes have always been inevitable.
I felt that everyone always leaves me. 

Tears stream down...silently

My life has been a whirlwind of constant motion, never slowing for more than a moment. My life has also been full of change. Always changing. I've been the girl who doesn't like change.

I never want to say goodbye, because I feel I'm giving up hope for another chance to meet again. Goodbye sounds so permanent.

But it isn't.

You know what else? There is one person in my life who never says goodbye. And He never will.

In four short months I will be saying goodbye again. But I have a peace about it. A year ago God threw a passion into my life; the passion for opera. I fell in love with classical music! So now I must honor Him and the gifts He has given. I must go to school. But I'll come back. It's all going to be ok.

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His Glory

"There is no other God like you! You forgive sin and pardon the rebellion of those who remain among your people. You do not remain angry forever, but delight in showing loyal love." Micah 7:18

Such a great God!! I am thankful for His grace, sunshine, peace, love, music, and everything else on this earth !

Hang In There...

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Rejection hits me again.
I want to run away and cry. But I hold it in. I fake the strength of a good girl.
That's still not good enough.
I have to give it to Him.

Peace. A peace I cannot even completely comprehend. How lovely!

Oh, and He guards my heart and mind!! Thank you Lord! I need that!

All I have to do is pray and be thankful.
Amen.