Boy oh boy, this year has been something else. I guess that's what a first year of marriage combined with college and opera performance and a part time job and personal development is like?
Yesterday was my birthday, and I am now at the point where I can probably get away with just saying "I'm a 20something" because that's easier and more delicate than revealing my birth year and actual age. I am grateful to have made it another year and I try my best to not take life for granted! But at the same time, I want people to respect me for me, not base their opinions on my age. Honestly I don't even have many friends "my age" but of all ages! Some of my closest friends are actually twice my age, and that's perfectly perfect for me.
Now that I *am* a new age, however, I think this is a good time to refocus my energy, thoughts, and productivity. It is my last year of college (yay super senior/music major/transfer student) but it is also the year of my standing up for myself and taking care of myself.
Taking care of myself physically and emotionally is my goal, and I don't always succeed, but it is my aim to be the best Alexandra I can be so I can better serve the world and help others. It is my hope that I will be a better wife and friend this year, and inspire others to be their best selves.
For the first time ever I am listening to podcasts and reading personal development intentionally, and WOW! We have SO much potential, ya'll! I mean really, you can be in the best part of your life or the worst, and you could change lives. I really believe it.
In fact, my name meaning (Hebrew, isn't that neat?) is: Helper of Mankind.
Well there you go! I was named to help others! But I gotta help myself too. That's been my biggest struggle.
I'm going to be very transparent right now, and if you don't want to deal with that then I suggest you find another post or blogger to read :)
I have been dealing with depression and it has taken physical tolls on my body that I am battling every day. This past summer I would have mornings where I woke up, said goodbye to my husband going off to work, and I would go back to sleep on the couch for hours and hours until I absolutely had to go somewhere (like my job). Then I would come home exhausted from my job (lifting heavy things by myself, standing outside for hours in the Alabama heat, not eating enough) and go to bed right after eating something out of necessity.
I felt I had no purpose, I felt no drive, I felt lost.
(side note: starving youtself and THEN eating is a really sucky way to go, don't do it! It's something I'm still battling, and I honestly have to FORCE myself to eat breakfast, and it's helped my energy and depression so much)
I wasn't living for the right reasons; some could argue that I wasn't really living at all.
But I have slowly begun changing my habits and building healthier ones. Thank God for the people in my life who have encouraged me and not left me (oh yeah, that adds to depression, getting friend dumped frequently and not being able to be close to people you desire that friendship with...). I have some amazing friends who are consistently there for me. Some of those friends happen to be coaches or fitness friends :)
You may be able to see where this is going: I am back to more regular workouts AND drinking Shakeology. I am still working on my consistency, but wow do I have energy and drive more than I used to. Yes, I still deal with depression and loneliness (I don't see my husband a few nights a week because of school) but working out TRULY helps me fight it and kick it in the butt!
So, the point of this ramble is:
*I want to inspire and help others
*I want to be the best Alexandra I can be (and be proud of this next year of life!)
*I want to have confidence and strength to chase my crazy dreams (DO IT, DREAM BIG!!!)
I'm not sure if I will be blogging regularly, or if I'll transition into vlogging on youtube, or maybe I'll do both! We shall see.
But let this post encourage you, please: YOU are worthy, YOU are capable, YOU can get out of the darkness and run freely in the light.
If I can help you in any way, even just by listening to you, please message or comment. <3