It's Okay To Ask For Help #LoveBlog

Hello my dears,

I hope you had a lovely valentine's/galentine's/palentine's/etc day/weekend and are ready to face the week, Monday is here, eek!

Today's post is on counseling in relationships and such.


I used to think I didn't need counseling, that that was for people who cheated or had step children, or I don't even know. If I thought that then it must've been a long time ago, because ever since Michael and I started talking about marriage I knew that pre-marital counseling was something I would be on board with.


I used to think we should seek out a church or counseling center for pre-marital counseling separate from the pastor marrying us, but we ended up only seeing our pastor for a few meetings before we got married. But it was awesome!


Now, it helps that our pastor was super chill and fantastic and real. He wanted to make our ceremony what we wanted it to be, and give the glory to God in the process. He also wanted to help us know how to live together as husband and wife and work together in the best way possible.

He was the one who gave us the couples' edition of The Five Love Languages and had us take the tests in it (even though we had taken the singles edition test years before). Our results didn't vary too much, just that the priorities are different when you are asked questions about your significant other as opposed to questions about a theoretical person you may encounter. Our pastor helped us analyze our results really deeply (but simply as well) to make sure we understood what the other person needed from us.  For example, one of Michael's top love languages is acts of service; it fills his love tank when I do something to take care of our home or get groceries, etc.

One of my top love languages is words of affirmation; I need to be told very often how he feels about me and why I am not a failure (does anyone else feel like that?). I *know* he loves me, or else he wouldn't have married me, but the way my brain works I need to hear it or see it written pretty frequently to make sure I'm still doing okay in the wife department.


Seeing a pastor before we got married also helped us make sure all our ducks were in a row for wedding day (details, details, DETAILS) and helped us stay calm whenever mini emergencies happened.


I highly HIGHLY recommend pre-marital counseling. We had lived together before we got married (in a PG way, promise!) and still had things to learn about each other. There's still tons more to learn, I know it, but the counseling helped us prepare for the journey we have ahead. We may even have more casual counseling meetings with our pastor just because we love him THAT much! Plus, it's an excuse to go get coffee ;)

How BA and epic does he look? It's like "let's get this wedding taken care of" to me ;) 

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne

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Meet Alexandra Anne: wife, gamer, fitness lover, opera-singer, fur mommy, writer, dreamer. Addicted to mugs, music, and finding passion in life. 

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Meet Brita Long: Christian feminist blissfully married to Dan Fleck for almost two years. Lover of Paris, pink sparkles, sensible shoes, manicures, and books. Fueled by hot tea and mimosas.

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Meet Alex: Twenty-something southern wife living in the Atlanta suburbs. Lover of Pure Barre, animals, traveling, wine, eating (a lot), music, and dance parties!

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An InLinkz Link-up

Hoorah!! #LoveBlog

TGIF! Does anyone else feel a huge sigh of relief when Friday gets here? It's especially awesome when it's a Friday off and you get a three day weekend, (which is what I get since I still have class Monday...oh well!)


Today I will be drifting a bit from the #LoveBlog topic for the day because...we just got our wedding pictures! I am very distracted by them, and am also trying to prep for our camping trip tonight/tomorrow for Valentine weekend.


So I will leave you with a few of my favorite wedding pics, and the website of the lovely photographer who took them! We've been so excited to get these!!


I promise to write more tomorrow ;)



xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

all pictures by Margaret Marie Brewer photography http://margaretbrewer2015.wix.com/margaretmariephotos

My Perfect Date #LoveBlog

Hello friends,

I hope your week is turning out well :)


Today's topic is about Perfect Dates, and I honestly have had to think about this because I usually am quite fine with simple regular dates (ask my husband, I am pretty chill).



First, let me list my top favorite dates of the past:

*Surprise picnic at the park downtown- I love being deceived when it involves a surprise or gift, it makes my "girl who has to know"-brain very satisfied trying to solve the mystery!



*Our dates to the Museum of Natural Science- we went several times when I lived in Houston and he would fly in to visit me; we love to nerd out and that place was fantastic. We also liked walking around the city (once we went to a park down there and have many fond memories, including a bird that kept harassing me and following us!)



*Waffle House and the movies- this was our first valentine together, we were still a fairly new couple (but very in love) and we wanted to be frugal but still enjoy a lovey dovey day together. We decided to get all dressed up (fancy pants!) and go to Waffle House (frugal and yum!) where I promptly spilled my glass of water alllllll over the table and floor....we have since decided that it isn't a real date unless I spill something. Then we went to the movies and saw Red Tails. Because we are awesome like that ;)


*The proposal- duh, of course this is one of my favorite dates! He took me to our first date spot, and it was super romantic because it had snowed the day before, and got on one knee and asked me the best question ever! It was private too, and super sweet. It was also nice to see where our relationship got started, and where our first kiss was!



So, to describe a perfect date, it would have to be some sort of combination of any of the above, but really the perfect date is any time we make for each other and are together. I love my husband and all I need is to be near him and I am joyful.

***

What would your perfect date look like?
What's been your favorite date ever??


xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

Meet Alexandra Anne: wife, gamer, fitness lover, opera-singer, fur mommy, writer, dreamer. Addicted to mugs, music, and finding passion in life. 

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Quality Time #LoveBlog

Today's topic for #loveblog is Quality Time! One of my absolute favorites :)



The definition of quality time is as follows:

 qual·i·ty time

noun

1.      time spent in giving another person one's undivided attention in order to strengthen a relationship, especially with reference to working parents and their child or children.

I used to think that quality time could only be spent in person, but that was widely false; as a master (mistress??) of long distance relationships/friendships, I have learned that quality time can be spent in so many situations! Technically, I don't even have to be in direct contact with someone to give them quality time.


When I test for the Five Love Languages, gift giving is my lowest love language. However, I appreciate gifts oh so very much because I know the time that went into the gift and into getting to know me (and also the time to work to earn money for it!).


If my husband and I apart, we can still spend quality time together with phone calls, skype, texting, and even online gaming together (sadly, my gaming computer is at home with him this semester, so during the week I can't do that...alas!).


In person, we also like to game together whether it's on a tabletop or on our computers or on a console while snuggled on the couch in the living room.

(pictures taken from pinterest) 

Quality time isn't just doing activities together either. Sometimes, for me, the time is spent being near each other while accomplishing different tasks, but still taking breaks as needed for eye contact or kisses etc. (If you cuddle while on laptops, it is a risk you take that the laptop will be thrown to the ground to make way for more cuddles!)


When I am far away from my husband, though, the best quality time is when he calls me to check on me and tell me he loves me. That's what gets me through the day, hearing his loving voice.


All of this can be applied to friendships too! (Except the kisses part, then you've gone beyond friends of course) I am so happy when a friend wants to skype, or we spend hours in conversation even if that is through text, that all applies to quality time and fills my love tank. I think the reason conversation works for me so much is because it's tied to another one of my favorite love languages, Words of Affirmation, but that'll be for a later post ;)

***

What are your top love languages?
How do you define quality time?


xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

re-ignite your spark

*****

So I'm trying to let myself open up more on this corner of the internet because I know it used to be so therapeutic and amazing for me to write and write and to connect with others through our words on the internet. But being real is hard, it's so much easier to fake a smile and only give the highlights of life and act all la-di-da. That would be so much simpler and easier, and I wouldn't have to write as much!

Heh, but that's not real life. Facebook and social media are lies, I get so fed up with the B.S. that people post, acting like that's truth and that they just have perfect lives. So fake.

(Oh and then there are the people that get WAY too personal and just downright whiny on their statuses.... oh oh and vague-booking, that's pretty bad too).

I digress. I want to be real, I want to help others by sharing my stories and struggles. I want to inspire someone. I want someone to know that if they need me I will be there, I am loyal and dedicated.

*****

Here I go, *breathes in, breathes out* phew.


I need to make changes in my life. I'm recently married and that is wonderful, but I live 2 hours away from my husband during the week and it's one of the hardest things I've gone through (and believe me, I have been through some horrific things, maybe someday I'll be brave enough to write about those). I'm also a senior in college and have a difficult degree full of drama and high emotions and stress and quite frankly some mean and rude people. I'm super sensitive so if someone ignores me blatantly, or curses me out during rehearsal, I take it pretty badly.


I could look at my schedule for the week and find all the things I dread, and count the minutes til I see my husband again (and yeah, ok, no matter what I still countdown til I see my love again, he gets me through the hard times). But if I focus only on the negatives, I will not be living my life to the fullest. I will not have joy, I will just be going through the motions (cue Buffy's musical episode) and I will be wasting my time.

Life isn't supposed to be just day-to-day fulfillment of obligations. There is no passion in that life, and if there is no passion, then what is the point? As a believer in Christianity, I am convinced by scripture and by personal experience that God has given us certain talents and passions for a reason, His glory and our joy. In my life I have been my happiest when I was using my talents and working hard for them. ("Find something you love and you'll never work a day in your life," great quote!!)

For 2016, my word for the year (cheesy right? Eh, at least it isn't just another fake resolution on the internet) is PASSION. And to accomplish this I will focus on some goals.



*I will find passion again for my music as I finish this last year of my Vocal Performance degree

*I will learn about the passions of a new marriage, and keep it alive and strong despite not seeing my husband every day

*I will find a church home to keep me grounded, and in the meantime discover more truths in God's Word

*I will open myself up in friendships and learn to trust and be vulnerable, despite the risks of being hurt (again)

*I will be passionate about my health and keep committing to taking care of myself physically and mentally!

*****

What are you passionate about?

Are you looking to connect with someone as flawed as you? Leave a comment or contact me if you like :)


xoxo,
Alexandra Anne


ps. Both pics in today's post were from my Summer trip to Europe!! Future blog post to come!