It's Okay To Ask For Help #LoveBlog

Hello my dears,

I hope you had a lovely valentine's/galentine's/palentine's/etc day/weekend and are ready to face the week, Monday is here, eek!

Today's post is on counseling in relationships and such.


I used to think I didn't need counseling, that that was for people who cheated or had step children, or I don't even know. If I thought that then it must've been a long time ago, because ever since Michael and I started talking about marriage I knew that pre-marital counseling was something I would be on board with.


I used to think we should seek out a church or counseling center for pre-marital counseling separate from the pastor marrying us, but we ended up only seeing our pastor for a few meetings before we got married. But it was awesome!


Now, it helps that our pastor was super chill and fantastic and real. He wanted to make our ceremony what we wanted it to be, and give the glory to God in the process. He also wanted to help us know how to live together as husband and wife and work together in the best way possible.

He was the one who gave us the couples' edition of The Five Love Languages and had us take the tests in it (even though we had taken the singles edition test years before). Our results didn't vary too much, just that the priorities are different when you are asked questions about your significant other as opposed to questions about a theoretical person you may encounter. Our pastor helped us analyze our results really deeply (but simply as well) to make sure we understood what the other person needed from us.  For example, one of Michael's top love languages is acts of service; it fills his love tank when I do something to take care of our home or get groceries, etc.

One of my top love languages is words of affirmation; I need to be told very often how he feels about me and why I am not a failure (does anyone else feel like that?). I *know* he loves me, or else he wouldn't have married me, but the way my brain works I need to hear it or see it written pretty frequently to make sure I'm still doing okay in the wife department.


Seeing a pastor before we got married also helped us make sure all our ducks were in a row for wedding day (details, details, DETAILS) and helped us stay calm whenever mini emergencies happened.


I highly HIGHLY recommend pre-marital counseling. We had lived together before we got married (in a PG way, promise!) and still had things to learn about each other. There's still tons more to learn, I know it, but the counseling helped us prepare for the journey we have ahead. We may even have more casual counseling meetings with our pastor just because we love him THAT much! Plus, it's an excuse to go get coffee ;)

How BA and epic does he look? It's like "let's get this wedding taken care of" to me ;) 

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne

Meet your hosts!

Meet Alexandra Anne: wife, gamer, fitness lover, opera-singer, fur mommy, writer, dreamer. Addicted to mugs, music, and finding passion in life. 

Twitter // Instagram // Facebook // Pinterest // Bloglovin

Meet Brita Long: Christian feminist blissfully married to Dan Fleck for almost two years. Lover of Paris, pink sparkles, sensible shoes, manicures, and books. Fueled by hot tea and mimosas.

Twitter // Instagram // Facebook // Pinterest // Tumblr // Google+ // Bloglovin

Meet Alex: Twenty-something southern wife living in the Atlanta suburbs. Lover of Pure Barre, animals, traveling, wine, eating (a lot), music, and dance parties!

Twitter // Instagram // Facebook // Pinterest // Bloglovin

An InLinkz Link-up

dealing with anxiety

Everyone goes through stressful situations in life, everyone goes through things that make them uncomfortable, but does anyone else know what true anxiety is like? What a panic attack does to your entire body and mind?

I'm no expert my any means, I haven't experienced all there is a body or mind can experience. But I have had my fair share of crap and horror and I want to offer whatever I can to try to ease your pain even just a little.

So here are some tips I go to, if I can, when I need to find peace and rest




* Drink water- I always tell my husband that water is magic, and no matter the illness (physical or emotional) water helps so much. It also helps calm my breathing if I'm having a panic attack and my heart is racing (can we just take a moment to say "anxiety SUCKS," yeah I feel better letting that out, thanks guys). I also recommend hot tea for calming down, I love sleepytime tea, or peppermint (also good for soothing your stomach) or whatever I have on hand; add a little honey and you'll feel calmer in moments. 


*Lie down- sometimes all I want to do is curl up in my bed or on the couch and not face the world, and that's ok. eventually I do have to get up and put my big girl pants on, but we are allowed to have a moment (or a few!) to rest our bodies and honestly just ignore whatever stress is going on. Rest and sleep are important, and if you're like me and have trouble sleeping even in the best situations a few naps a week or rest times are vital! 


*Go for a walk- this is the opposite of the last point, but it can be just as effective. Walking stimulates the mind and the body and can give you endorphins (endorphins make people happy, happy people just don't shoot their husbands!). The fresh air feels good on your face, the movement sets your body at ease, Plus you can take your music and headphones, which leads me to the next point


*Listen to music- I made myself a therapy playlist (check out this post for some of my favorite playlists including that one) when I was dealing with an abusive situation and loss of people I could trust. Music has always been my physical constant, no matter what happens; music gets me through my wide array of emotions and feelings (do you have different music for different moods? I always feel like I'm the only one). 



*Light a candle (or incense)- I'm highly sensitive to smells, which means when I experience a pleasing smell I become so much more relaxed and can calm down. (It also makes my apartment smell fantastic, double win!) If you can't light a candle due to building restrictions like apartment rules or something, try making some coffee or baking an apple. Those smells are wonderful to me :)



*Just breathe- I know that sounds like "duh, of course I need to breathe," but really, try some breathing exercises and focus on that. When I'm having a panic attack I cannot breathe properly in the normal way, so I have to really work at this one, but it helps so so much, seriously. Some of my go-to's are "Count to 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4," or "Count backwards from ten super slowly." Sometimes I just have to focus on inhaling and exhaling, no other system than that. It really helps, I swear. :) 

I hope that some of these tips have helped you a little, even if they're simple and possibly intuitive, they're what I rely on and I am still on this journey every day. Some days are harder than others, and that's OKAY. Your journey is important too, and won't look like someone else's. You're going to be ok, I promise. 

If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me <3 

xoxo,
Alexandra Anne