That Aching Feeling

Hello lovelies,

Apparently I can only sit my butt down to write a blog once a month lately, I guess that's okay considering I have been sick, had spring break, and am now in the midst of opera prep/the last few weeks of school.

I wanted to write because I don't really know how else to cope with this, and maybe you can relate; if you've ever been in a long distance relationship (LDR) you already know what I'm feeling, probably. If not, then I completely envy you, but in the nicest way possible; I wouldn't trade my relationship for anything and I love my husband more than life.

But guess what? Ever since I moved to college we have had to deal with distance; even when I moved back to Alabama and we were in the same state I still have been two hours away from him when school is in session.
Now that we are married there is nothing stopping us from seeing each other weekends, which is amazing, but during the week we can't be together. It sucks, that's an understatement but it's what I feel.

Yep, I am SUPER blessed to even have a husband, to even see him on weekends, but that doesn't diminish the fact that every goodbye is harder and harder, and that when I am my loneliest I can't turn to him and melt in his arms. I know that there are others who have it worse than I do, and I am not interested in a pity party or a "who has it worse" contest, because comparison is stupid and pointless. Do you really WANT to have it worse? Geez.

But because *someone* always has it worse, I feel like I can't talk about this to most people. And that's just so crappy, in my opinion; shouldn't I be allowed to miss my freaking husband? We are newlyweds and the MOST we have spent together in our marriage is 10 days, and that was only because of spring break (before that week, we had only spent together 4 days in a row). We haven't even had our honeymoon yet because of my school; yep, it's a choice we both make to allow me to finish my degree and for him to work in our hometown, and I'm glad that I am sticking with school but it freaking STINKS to be in this situation.

Honestly, this semester has been one of the hardest on me, emotionally. Now I'm not just saying goodbye to a boyfriend or fiance, I am saying goodbye to my husband, my partner, my soulmate, my one and only. We are one now, and that makes the goodbyes harder than they ever were, even though I see him more frequently now. It's also been a rough semester due to changing friendships in my life, and so many losses of friendships over the last year; some nights I feel the only person I can trust is my husband (again, I am grateful for that, he is my everything, after all), but I crave that closeness in a friend that I can just go hang out with when I am lonely or that I can invite to try new things with me. My time at this school is almost up, and has been shorter than normal because of transferring, so I'm in this weird limbo situation with classmates. I'm pretty much just friendly with people as they are friendly to me, but no closeness truly happens or truly lasts (I get glimpses of it briefly, then the person just kind of moves on to the next, and I have to watch them be close...it sucks, but I just turn away and try to realize that it wasn't meant to be and they can just be my polite acquaintances).

All of this to say, I miss my husband, I miss having a best friend outside of my romantic relationship, and I hate goodbyes.

In 3.5 weeks this semester will be over, and I will feel better. Logically I know this, and I've been getting better with dealing with these emotions. But in this moment, the one right after he had to go home this time (usually I visit him, this time he visited me) I am feeling a physical pain in my chest and have been holding back tears while trying to distract myself. It feels like something inside me is not okay, like there is truly a piece missing or something crumbling from within.

 I will live, and in 3.5 weeks I will get to live with him again. But this sucks, so so much.

***

The positive side to all of this? We are so close and have been through so much, we value our time together so much more, and I think we are stronger for it. No power in the 'verse can stop us, and we are an example of an LDR that succeeded and is still going strong after 4.5 years of being together.
There is hope, always! LDRs aren't easy, but they are doable. I am proud of my relationship, and know that when I am in my husband's arms that the aching will go away. This period is temporary, and will someday no longer be the norm. Thank goodness!

***

If you're still reading, thank you for listening; I hope that my vulnerability can help someone else. You are not alone in your suffering!

xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

To Serve Is To Love

Do you know how good it feels to serve someone else? Not in a slavery-abusive type situation, that's not cool, but when you willingly give of yourself to take care of someone else's needs?


Let's look at some etymology real quick.
My name is Alexandra, a Hebrew feminine version of the name Alexander. The name means "defender/helper of mankind."

Helper of mankind. Well, that's quite the load, isn't it?

That being said, I have tried to live my life with a servant's heart and to help people as best as I can. The best part of this? My husband's top love language is Acts of Service.


One of the most loving things I can do for my husband is to clean up a little, or have dinner made when he gets home; simply taking care of a task for him so he doesn't have to worry about it is all I need to do.

It's not easy, and sometimes I just don't wanna get off the couch. I'm not perfect at this love language by any means! But when I put a little bit of effort in towards it, it goes a long way.

***

Something I'm working on for myself, however, is how to accept someone else's acts of service towards me. My brain sort of goes "But wait, I'm the helper! I take care of YOU, not the other way around.... how could I ever ask for help?"

I'm taking it in small steps, for sure. They always say you can't truly love other people unless you love yourself, and that counts for self-care/asking for help too, I think. I'm still pretty independent, and usually just take care of my things myself. But here are some ways I am working on letting other people serve me like I want to serve them:

*Asking for a workout buddy to join me at the gym (I also love Fitbit challenges! Add me!)

*Texting a friend a seemingly stupid question because I need to lower my pride and actually figure out the answer

*Calling my husband when I'm upset and just listening to his voice to cheer me up (this is sometimes hard for me because I don't want to bother him...but merely hearing him helps me SO much)

*Asking my husband to help me with a task

*Asking a friend for advice (also hard: I have to admit that I don't know how to handle something that  I feel I should already know how to)

*Actually inviting someone to just hang out- this may not seem like a normal "act of service," but it is a really huge step for me right now



What are your favorite ways to help someone?
What ways can you ask someone to help you?
Both are important!



xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

It's Okay To Ask For Help #LoveBlog

Hello my dears,

I hope you had a lovely valentine's/galentine's/palentine's/etc day/weekend and are ready to face the week, Monday is here, eek!

Today's post is on counseling in relationships and such.


I used to think I didn't need counseling, that that was for people who cheated or had step children, or I don't even know. If I thought that then it must've been a long time ago, because ever since Michael and I started talking about marriage I knew that pre-marital counseling was something I would be on board with.


I used to think we should seek out a church or counseling center for pre-marital counseling separate from the pastor marrying us, but we ended up only seeing our pastor for a few meetings before we got married. But it was awesome!


Now, it helps that our pastor was super chill and fantastic and real. He wanted to make our ceremony what we wanted it to be, and give the glory to God in the process. He also wanted to help us know how to live together as husband and wife and work together in the best way possible.

He was the one who gave us the couples' edition of The Five Love Languages and had us take the tests in it (even though we had taken the singles edition test years before). Our results didn't vary too much, just that the priorities are different when you are asked questions about your significant other as opposed to questions about a theoretical person you may encounter. Our pastor helped us analyze our results really deeply (but simply as well) to make sure we understood what the other person needed from us.  For example, one of Michael's top love languages is acts of service; it fills his love tank when I do something to take care of our home or get groceries, etc.

One of my top love languages is words of affirmation; I need to be told very often how he feels about me and why I am not a failure (does anyone else feel like that?). I *know* he loves me, or else he wouldn't have married me, but the way my brain works I need to hear it or see it written pretty frequently to make sure I'm still doing okay in the wife department.


Seeing a pastor before we got married also helped us make sure all our ducks were in a row for wedding day (details, details, DETAILS) and helped us stay calm whenever mini emergencies happened.


I highly HIGHLY recommend pre-marital counseling. We had lived together before we got married (in a PG way, promise!) and still had things to learn about each other. There's still tons more to learn, I know it, but the counseling helped us prepare for the journey we have ahead. We may even have more casual counseling meetings with our pastor just because we love him THAT much! Plus, it's an excuse to go get coffee ;)

How BA and epic does he look? It's like "let's get this wedding taken care of" to me ;) 

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne

Meet your hosts!

Meet Alexandra Anne: wife, gamer, fitness lover, opera-singer, fur mommy, writer, dreamer. Addicted to mugs, music, and finding passion in life. 

Twitter // Instagram // Facebook // Pinterest // Bloglovin

Meet Brita Long: Christian feminist blissfully married to Dan Fleck for almost two years. Lover of Paris, pink sparkles, sensible shoes, manicures, and books. Fueled by hot tea and mimosas.

Twitter // Instagram // Facebook // Pinterest // Tumblr // Google+ // Bloglovin

Meet Alex: Twenty-something southern wife living in the Atlanta suburbs. Lover of Pure Barre, animals, traveling, wine, eating (a lot), music, and dance parties!

Twitter // Instagram // Facebook // Pinterest // Bloglovin

An InLinkz Link-up

Quality Time #LoveBlog

Today's topic for #loveblog is Quality Time! One of my absolute favorites :)



The definition of quality time is as follows:

 qual·i·ty time

noun

1.      time spent in giving another person one's undivided attention in order to strengthen a relationship, especially with reference to working parents and their child or children.

I used to think that quality time could only be spent in person, but that was widely false; as a master (mistress??) of long distance relationships/friendships, I have learned that quality time can be spent in so many situations! Technically, I don't even have to be in direct contact with someone to give them quality time.


When I test for the Five Love Languages, gift giving is my lowest love language. However, I appreciate gifts oh so very much because I know the time that went into the gift and into getting to know me (and also the time to work to earn money for it!).


If my husband and I apart, we can still spend quality time together with phone calls, skype, texting, and even online gaming together (sadly, my gaming computer is at home with him this semester, so during the week I can't do that...alas!).


In person, we also like to game together whether it's on a tabletop or on our computers or on a console while snuggled on the couch in the living room.

(pictures taken from pinterest) 

Quality time isn't just doing activities together either. Sometimes, for me, the time is spent being near each other while accomplishing different tasks, but still taking breaks as needed for eye contact or kisses etc. (If you cuddle while on laptops, it is a risk you take that the laptop will be thrown to the ground to make way for more cuddles!)


When I am far away from my husband, though, the best quality time is when he calls me to check on me and tell me he loves me. That's what gets me through the day, hearing his loving voice.


All of this can be applied to friendships too! (Except the kisses part, then you've gone beyond friends of course) I am so happy when a friend wants to skype, or we spend hours in conversation even if that is through text, that all applies to quality time and fills my love tank. I think the reason conversation works for me so much is because it's tied to another one of my favorite love languages, Words of Affirmation, but that'll be for a later post ;)

***

What are your top love languages?
How do you define quality time?


xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

National Marriage Week #LoveBlog

Phew! What a crazy weekend! I had a recital, a quiz, a newlywed bridal shower, and drove up and down the state all within three days, eek! But I'm back to my laptop now, on my comfy couch drinking some pinot grigio (a la Ramona Singer, because let's face it, we all wish we could get away with being THAT blunt) and I'm ready to write my heart away :)



Today's topic is on MARRIAGE, because it is national marriage week, how cool??!? I'm pretty excited just because I am currently LOVING my new marriage (we hit four weeks on Saturday, seriously brand new) and can't wait to celebrate Valentine's weekend with my hubby.


I have my sarcastic moments and views of cynicism on life sometimes, but I have pretty much always been a fan of marriage. There was only one point in my life where I had a big pout and thought I would never have kids and probably never marry (it was a stupid bad breakup in high school, I was 17, so obviously the world was going to end). But a few months after that icky situation, Mister Right popped into my life, or back into rather. I had never been close to him, I just knew he existed from our circle of mutual friends and we hung out in group settings as acquaintances (we actually have a picture of the night we met!).

I was 14, he was 16, four years later we would become a couple! 

So, I hadn't talked to this guy in a year, and all of a sudden he messaged me on facebook. Behold, facebook has done something GOOD, because four years later we are husband and wife and falling more in love every single day :) We started dating a little bit after that facebook conversation and have been together ever since.


I am actually planning a post on how to get a husband, a sort of satire if you will, because many things in our relationship have not been conventional or the social norm, and that's kind of awesome to me. But for today's late post I will give y'all an idea of what my relationship has taught me, and what the beginnings of our marriage has taught me


*I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in lust at first sight, but there is NO way you can know the important things about a person just by looking at them. Yes, you can gather some ideas based on inferring data, but I believe that you need to spend time with a person in all sorts of situations to know whether or not you love them or are in love with them.

*There is no actual schedule for love. This slightly contradicts the above point, but I think every relationship is different. I knew I loved Michael within just a few months, but I also knew that we had a long way to go before we could plan our lives together. We were just teens when we started dating, and I was in high school! But we knew very quickly that we were in love, and that love only grew deeper and truer as time grew on.

*Kissing isn't like the movies. First off, bodies are gross. Secondly, in movies they aren't really kissing, it's more like a mushing of upper lips together with a combo of some movement of faces from side to side.


*Long distance is completely doable- and anyone who says "the distance is just too hard" makes me reallllllly frustrated. If both parties are honest and loyal then long distance is definitely attainable. It is NOT easy and I know it's not for everyone, but if we can do it, so can you. (I also know we are super blessed to be able to visit each other frequently, even when we lived 12 hours apart we never have gone more than 45 days apart from each other, now it's more like we can't go 5 days apart!). Skype is a huge blessing, and so is unlimited text/calling. He didn't text when we first went out, and we couldn't have free phonecalls til 9pm, haha those days feel so long ago now!


*Living with a man is an adjustment, but it totally works when you are best friends. We work so well together in every situation, it made sense that we have adjusted to living together pretty well. There are learning curves occasionally, but we love to serve each other, so we are usually happy to take care of something around the apartment when the other person asks. It's the little things that make a great marriage. Also, waking up to cuddles with your best friend is so wonderful. I wish I could do that every day (I will after this semester, I just have to live alone during the week, but weekends are wonderful). Oh, and having a pet helps encourage more cuddles too! Our cat brings us together and brings us so much joy, and is way easier than having a human child which we won't be ready for for many years to come.


*It takes two to tango- If one person isn't fully committed to the relationship, it won't work. Hands down. You can try and try, and it just won't change, not long term anyway. I am so lucky that God put the right man in my life at the right time. I didn't think I would ever be with anyone ever again (dramatic, right? Ah, to be 17 again, let's not do that, okay? Okay). But Michael walked in and completely won me over and it all has been so natural and at the end of the day it isn't hard for me to love him.

Love Languages- Receiving Gifts #LoveBlog

Hi there!

Today's #LoveBlog linkup topic is about one of the 5 Love Languages; today's love language is "Receiving Gifts."


Now, if you don't know about the 5 Love Languages, I highly recommend you read THIS book, AND you can go to their website and take the online quiz and find out what love languages are most important to you (they're all important to a certain extent, but we all have different ways that we feel most loved and how we like to love others)

Funnily enough, receiving gifts has always been my lowest score on my love languages quiz. I don't consider myself to be a material person, and I know what it's like to have holidays come up and neither you or your significant other have spending money for frivolous gift giving. For me, I am appreciative of gifts because it shows the other person spent time to get it, time to figure out what I would like, and possibly time making it! Quality time is a higher love language on my list, so that's how I interpret gifts. 

That being said, I love guessing what present I'm going to get if it's my birthday or Christmas (especially when you see your present under the tree and you try to figure out what it is based on the size and weight and box shape; my Dad calls me "Girl who likes to know," so that probably plays into that!). I also love giving a gift if I know the recipient is going to absolutely love it! I like taking the time to find them the perfect gift. 

Do you like making homemade gifts? Check out this link I found on pinterest! https://www.pinterest.com/pin/133067363967576902/ 

Let me know what your top love language(s) are! (You can have more than one haha it's pretty cool)

xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

Fictional Love- #LoveBlog

Hey friends! I'm joining the link-train on Brita's AWESOME February linkup (stay tuned, I'm gonna be co-hosting on four different dates this month, it's gonna be so fun!) and I'm a little behind but that's ok! I'm on board now ;)



Today's topic is Fictional Love. Brita asks "Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?" and "What TV couple is most like you and your significant other?" 



First off, if you've ever met me, or been to my apartment, you've seen my Labyrinth poster and know that David Bowie was supposed to be my husband. But once I got married David realized he would never have me and gracefully left us behind (am I awful? Ok yeah, just a bit). Seriously though, Labyrinth was my childhood and Jareth the Goblin king was the man I was supposed to marry. I would totally have been his queen and danced around the castle with different dimensions and levels of gravity, etc. I also am a huge fan of Nathan Fillion, because he is the captain (in EVERY role, I swear) and my real-life husband looks just like him, so, I'm winning!!! 

Oh Jareth....

Captain. Always. 

How could you NOT have crushes on these men? Mmmm. 

Anyway ;)


As for question #2, what TV couple are we like, I want to say Marshal and Lily from How I Met Your Mother, except that my husband isn't *that* goofy. But I am Lily to a t.... anytime I'm watching the show and she does ANYTHING my husband looks at me and points (isn't our communication great? haha, we just point to the other person and know what that means). He's saying I'm her...I know.... she just gets excited and passionate, okay? There's nothing wrong with that. 

We are similar to couples on TV, but it's hard to find characters that go together that are like both of us. I could say he is Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly, or Dr. House from House, but I don't really have anyone to couple them with that I relate to. If anything from Firefly I'd be like Kaylee haha but she and Mal are definitely not a couple in any way shape or form. 

So I'll stick with Lily and Marshal, just because they have the same relationship dynamic we do where we are attached to each other equally, tell each other everything, and are totally passionate for the other person and would do anything for them and support their dreams. 

Be sure to check out the #LoveBlog linkup going on! 

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne 

re-ignite your spark

*****

So I'm trying to let myself open up more on this corner of the internet because I know it used to be so therapeutic and amazing for me to write and write and to connect with others through our words on the internet. But being real is hard, it's so much easier to fake a smile and only give the highlights of life and act all la-di-da. That would be so much simpler and easier, and I wouldn't have to write as much!

Heh, but that's not real life. Facebook and social media are lies, I get so fed up with the B.S. that people post, acting like that's truth and that they just have perfect lives. So fake.

(Oh and then there are the people that get WAY too personal and just downright whiny on their statuses.... oh oh and vague-booking, that's pretty bad too).

I digress. I want to be real, I want to help others by sharing my stories and struggles. I want to inspire someone. I want someone to know that if they need me I will be there, I am loyal and dedicated.

*****

Here I go, *breathes in, breathes out* phew.


I need to make changes in my life. I'm recently married and that is wonderful, but I live 2 hours away from my husband during the week and it's one of the hardest things I've gone through (and believe me, I have been through some horrific things, maybe someday I'll be brave enough to write about those). I'm also a senior in college and have a difficult degree full of drama and high emotions and stress and quite frankly some mean and rude people. I'm super sensitive so if someone ignores me blatantly, or curses me out during rehearsal, I take it pretty badly.


I could look at my schedule for the week and find all the things I dread, and count the minutes til I see my husband again (and yeah, ok, no matter what I still countdown til I see my love again, he gets me through the hard times). But if I focus only on the negatives, I will not be living my life to the fullest. I will not have joy, I will just be going through the motions (cue Buffy's musical episode) and I will be wasting my time.

Life isn't supposed to be just day-to-day fulfillment of obligations. There is no passion in that life, and if there is no passion, then what is the point? As a believer in Christianity, I am convinced by scripture and by personal experience that God has given us certain talents and passions for a reason, His glory and our joy. In my life I have been my happiest when I was using my talents and working hard for them. ("Find something you love and you'll never work a day in your life," great quote!!)

For 2016, my word for the year (cheesy right? Eh, at least it isn't just another fake resolution on the internet) is PASSION. And to accomplish this I will focus on some goals.



*I will find passion again for my music as I finish this last year of my Vocal Performance degree

*I will learn about the passions of a new marriage, and keep it alive and strong despite not seeing my husband every day

*I will find a church home to keep me grounded, and in the meantime discover more truths in God's Word

*I will open myself up in friendships and learn to trust and be vulnerable, despite the risks of being hurt (again)

*I will be passionate about my health and keep committing to taking care of myself physically and mentally!

*****

What are you passionate about?

Are you looking to connect with someone as flawed as you? Leave a comment or contact me if you like :)


xoxo,
Alexandra Anne


ps. Both pics in today's post were from my Summer trip to Europe!! Future blog post to come!