That Aching Feeling

Hello lovelies,

Apparently I can only sit my butt down to write a blog once a month lately, I guess that's okay considering I have been sick, had spring break, and am now in the midst of opera prep/the last few weeks of school.

I wanted to write because I don't really know how else to cope with this, and maybe you can relate; if you've ever been in a long distance relationship (LDR) you already know what I'm feeling, probably. If not, then I completely envy you, but in the nicest way possible; I wouldn't trade my relationship for anything and I love my husband more than life.

But guess what? Ever since I moved to college we have had to deal with distance; even when I moved back to Alabama and we were in the same state I still have been two hours away from him when school is in session.
Now that we are married there is nothing stopping us from seeing each other weekends, which is amazing, but during the week we can't be together. It sucks, that's an understatement but it's what I feel.

Yep, I am SUPER blessed to even have a husband, to even see him on weekends, but that doesn't diminish the fact that every goodbye is harder and harder, and that when I am my loneliest I can't turn to him and melt in his arms. I know that there are others who have it worse than I do, and I am not interested in a pity party or a "who has it worse" contest, because comparison is stupid and pointless. Do you really WANT to have it worse? Geez.

But because *someone* always has it worse, I feel like I can't talk about this to most people. And that's just so crappy, in my opinion; shouldn't I be allowed to miss my freaking husband? We are newlyweds and the MOST we have spent together in our marriage is 10 days, and that was only because of spring break (before that week, we had only spent together 4 days in a row). We haven't even had our honeymoon yet because of my school; yep, it's a choice we both make to allow me to finish my degree and for him to work in our hometown, and I'm glad that I am sticking with school but it freaking STINKS to be in this situation.

Honestly, this semester has been one of the hardest on me, emotionally. Now I'm not just saying goodbye to a boyfriend or fiance, I am saying goodbye to my husband, my partner, my soulmate, my one and only. We are one now, and that makes the goodbyes harder than they ever were, even though I see him more frequently now. It's also been a rough semester due to changing friendships in my life, and so many losses of friendships over the last year; some nights I feel the only person I can trust is my husband (again, I am grateful for that, he is my everything, after all), but I crave that closeness in a friend that I can just go hang out with when I am lonely or that I can invite to try new things with me. My time at this school is almost up, and has been shorter than normal because of transferring, so I'm in this weird limbo situation with classmates. I'm pretty much just friendly with people as they are friendly to me, but no closeness truly happens or truly lasts (I get glimpses of it briefly, then the person just kind of moves on to the next, and I have to watch them be close...it sucks, but I just turn away and try to realize that it wasn't meant to be and they can just be my polite acquaintances).

All of this to say, I miss my husband, I miss having a best friend outside of my romantic relationship, and I hate goodbyes.

In 3.5 weeks this semester will be over, and I will feel better. Logically I know this, and I've been getting better with dealing with these emotions. But in this moment, the one right after he had to go home this time (usually I visit him, this time he visited me) I am feeling a physical pain in my chest and have been holding back tears while trying to distract myself. It feels like something inside me is not okay, like there is truly a piece missing or something crumbling from within.

 I will live, and in 3.5 weeks I will get to live with him again. But this sucks, so so much.

***

The positive side to all of this? We are so close and have been through so much, we value our time together so much more, and I think we are stronger for it. No power in the 'verse can stop us, and we are an example of an LDR that succeeded and is still going strong after 4.5 years of being together.
There is hope, always! LDRs aren't easy, but they are doable. I am proud of my relationship, and know that when I am in my husband's arms that the aching will go away. This period is temporary, and will someday no longer be the norm. Thank goodness!

***

If you're still reading, thank you for listening; I hope that my vulnerability can help someone else. You are not alone in your suffering!

xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

To Serve Is To Love

Do you know how good it feels to serve someone else? Not in a slavery-abusive type situation, that's not cool, but when you willingly give of yourself to take care of someone else's needs?


Let's look at some etymology real quick.
My name is Alexandra, a Hebrew feminine version of the name Alexander. The name means "defender/helper of mankind."

Helper of mankind. Well, that's quite the load, isn't it?

That being said, I have tried to live my life with a servant's heart and to help people as best as I can. The best part of this? My husband's top love language is Acts of Service.


One of the most loving things I can do for my husband is to clean up a little, or have dinner made when he gets home; simply taking care of a task for him so he doesn't have to worry about it is all I need to do.

It's not easy, and sometimes I just don't wanna get off the couch. I'm not perfect at this love language by any means! But when I put a little bit of effort in towards it, it goes a long way.

***

Something I'm working on for myself, however, is how to accept someone else's acts of service towards me. My brain sort of goes "But wait, I'm the helper! I take care of YOU, not the other way around.... how could I ever ask for help?"

I'm taking it in small steps, for sure. They always say you can't truly love other people unless you love yourself, and that counts for self-care/asking for help too, I think. I'm still pretty independent, and usually just take care of my things myself. But here are some ways I am working on letting other people serve me like I want to serve them:

*Asking for a workout buddy to join me at the gym (I also love Fitbit challenges! Add me!)

*Texting a friend a seemingly stupid question because I need to lower my pride and actually figure out the answer

*Calling my husband when I'm upset and just listening to his voice to cheer me up (this is sometimes hard for me because I don't want to bother him...but merely hearing him helps me SO much)

*Asking my husband to help me with a task

*Asking a friend for advice (also hard: I have to admit that I don't know how to handle something that  I feel I should already know how to)

*Actually inviting someone to just hang out- this may not seem like a normal "act of service," but it is a really huge step for me right now



What are your favorite ways to help someone?
What ways can you ask someone to help you?
Both are important!



xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

National Marriage Week #LoveBlog

Phew! What a crazy weekend! I had a recital, a quiz, a newlywed bridal shower, and drove up and down the state all within three days, eek! But I'm back to my laptop now, on my comfy couch drinking some pinot grigio (a la Ramona Singer, because let's face it, we all wish we could get away with being THAT blunt) and I'm ready to write my heart away :)



Today's topic is on MARRIAGE, because it is national marriage week, how cool??!? I'm pretty excited just because I am currently LOVING my new marriage (we hit four weeks on Saturday, seriously brand new) and can't wait to celebrate Valentine's weekend with my hubby.


I have my sarcastic moments and views of cynicism on life sometimes, but I have pretty much always been a fan of marriage. There was only one point in my life where I had a big pout and thought I would never have kids and probably never marry (it was a stupid bad breakup in high school, I was 17, so obviously the world was going to end). But a few months after that icky situation, Mister Right popped into my life, or back into rather. I had never been close to him, I just knew he existed from our circle of mutual friends and we hung out in group settings as acquaintances (we actually have a picture of the night we met!).

I was 14, he was 16, four years later we would become a couple! 

So, I hadn't talked to this guy in a year, and all of a sudden he messaged me on facebook. Behold, facebook has done something GOOD, because four years later we are husband and wife and falling more in love every single day :) We started dating a little bit after that facebook conversation and have been together ever since.


I am actually planning a post on how to get a husband, a sort of satire if you will, because many things in our relationship have not been conventional or the social norm, and that's kind of awesome to me. But for today's late post I will give y'all an idea of what my relationship has taught me, and what the beginnings of our marriage has taught me


*I don't believe in love at first sight. I believe in lust at first sight, but there is NO way you can know the important things about a person just by looking at them. Yes, you can gather some ideas based on inferring data, but I believe that you need to spend time with a person in all sorts of situations to know whether or not you love them or are in love with them.

*There is no actual schedule for love. This slightly contradicts the above point, but I think every relationship is different. I knew I loved Michael within just a few months, but I also knew that we had a long way to go before we could plan our lives together. We were just teens when we started dating, and I was in high school! But we knew very quickly that we were in love, and that love only grew deeper and truer as time grew on.

*Kissing isn't like the movies. First off, bodies are gross. Secondly, in movies they aren't really kissing, it's more like a mushing of upper lips together with a combo of some movement of faces from side to side.


*Long distance is completely doable- and anyone who says "the distance is just too hard" makes me reallllllly frustrated. If both parties are honest and loyal then long distance is definitely attainable. It is NOT easy and I know it's not for everyone, but if we can do it, so can you. (I also know we are super blessed to be able to visit each other frequently, even when we lived 12 hours apart we never have gone more than 45 days apart from each other, now it's more like we can't go 5 days apart!). Skype is a huge blessing, and so is unlimited text/calling. He didn't text when we first went out, and we couldn't have free phonecalls til 9pm, haha those days feel so long ago now!


*Living with a man is an adjustment, but it totally works when you are best friends. We work so well together in every situation, it made sense that we have adjusted to living together pretty well. There are learning curves occasionally, but we love to serve each other, so we are usually happy to take care of something around the apartment when the other person asks. It's the little things that make a great marriage. Also, waking up to cuddles with your best friend is so wonderful. I wish I could do that every day (I will after this semester, I just have to live alone during the week, but weekends are wonderful). Oh, and having a pet helps encourage more cuddles too! Our cat brings us together and brings us so much joy, and is way easier than having a human child which we won't be ready for for many years to come.


*It takes two to tango- If one person isn't fully committed to the relationship, it won't work. Hands down. You can try and try, and it just won't change, not long term anyway. I am so lucky that God put the right man in my life at the right time. I didn't think I would ever be with anyone ever again (dramatic, right? Ah, to be 17 again, let's not do that, okay? Okay). But Michael walked in and completely won me over and it all has been so natural and at the end of the day it isn't hard for me to love him.

Fictional Love- #LoveBlog

Hey friends! I'm joining the link-train on Brita's AWESOME February linkup (stay tuned, I'm gonna be co-hosting on four different dates this month, it's gonna be so fun!) and I'm a little behind but that's ok! I'm on board now ;)



Today's topic is Fictional Love. Brita asks "Have you ever had a crush on a fictional character?" and "What TV couple is most like you and your significant other?" 



First off, if you've ever met me, or been to my apartment, you've seen my Labyrinth poster and know that David Bowie was supposed to be my husband. But once I got married David realized he would never have me and gracefully left us behind (am I awful? Ok yeah, just a bit). Seriously though, Labyrinth was my childhood and Jareth the Goblin king was the man I was supposed to marry. I would totally have been his queen and danced around the castle with different dimensions and levels of gravity, etc. I also am a huge fan of Nathan Fillion, because he is the captain (in EVERY role, I swear) and my real-life husband looks just like him, so, I'm winning!!! 

Oh Jareth....

Captain. Always. 

How could you NOT have crushes on these men? Mmmm. 

Anyway ;)


As for question #2, what TV couple are we like, I want to say Marshal and Lily from How I Met Your Mother, except that my husband isn't *that* goofy. But I am Lily to a t.... anytime I'm watching the show and she does ANYTHING my husband looks at me and points (isn't our communication great? haha, we just point to the other person and know what that means). He's saying I'm her...I know.... she just gets excited and passionate, okay? There's nothing wrong with that. 

We are similar to couples on TV, but it's hard to find characters that go together that are like both of us. I could say he is Malcolm Reynolds from Firefly, or Dr. House from House, but I don't really have anyone to couple them with that I relate to. If anything from Firefly I'd be like Kaylee haha but she and Mal are definitely not a couple in any way shape or form. 

So I'll stick with Lily and Marshal, just because they have the same relationship dynamic we do where we are attached to each other equally, tell each other everything, and are totally passionate for the other person and would do anything for them and support their dreams. 

Be sure to check out the #LoveBlog linkup going on! 

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne 

New Year, New Me

Hello blogger world!

Boy, I really seem to abandon my little corner, don't I? I will get better and posting regularly, I promise!


I am so excited for 2015! Last year had some good moments, but overall was a truly trying year for me in every aspect of my life. This will be my year to re-become myself again, my year to prosper, my year to become stronger emotionally and physically!

Here are some of the things I am looking forward to :)


*Starting my Jamberry business! (This feels like a very blogger thing to promote!) I will become a consultant for Jamberry and can give ya'll all sorts of deals and such! I'm hosting a facebook party for it right now and will host many more in the future (maybe even some in-person parties!).
For more info check out my current party here!

Aren't these CUTE? Just in time for Valentine's day!

* I will be playing the role of 3rd Lady in Mozart's The Magic Flute at the University of Montevallo in April! 

*I will continue my health journey by utilizing the paleo and whole30 lifestyles (a blend of both, still figuring out what my body needs and works well with) so that I can be fit and happy and healthy! I can't wait to do a post on my favorite whole foods recipes :)

*I will read more! I am part of an online book club and it's great! So far I have read "The Fault in Our Stars" and am reading "The Curious Incident of the Dog at Night Time." :) I'm also reading Divergent, and The Fellowship of the Ring. 

*I'm taking ballroom dancing at school! It's not a big life choice or anything, but it is quite fun :) 

*I will fight for my faith more; I have not found a church in my area that I love or agree with enough to stay put at. I say I can just be with God alone in my house, but I seem to not give Him enough! I'd like to improve in that area. 

*I will be *hopefully* selling some of my paintings! I've been starting to spray paint for fun and I really am proud of my work (plus my friends and boyfriend all want their own!) so maybe it would sell? 

This was my first ever, I do all sorts of color schemes and sizes though! Gotta love space scenes!

What will 2015 hold for you??
Please let me know if I can hook you up with some Jamberry Nail Wraps or a Space Painting!! :) And may 2015 bring you much joy!

xoxo,

Alexandra Anne 

Serene Singer

I apologize for the lack of posts; midterms like to dominate a student's life for sure!

Last weekend, my anniversary with Michael, was wonderful and perfect.

This week, where my exams started, was tough. I cried every day four days in a row...

But you know what? I am still filled with joy.

There is pain, emotional and physical (I have a sore throat now), but God is wonderful and full of blessings. He has given me music, so that everyday I have a physical constant I can depend on. I think He gives everyone something tangible to enjoy and glorify Him with. For me, I find joy in music. Whether it is experimenting in a practice room, or mastering a new technique in a lesson, music makes everything better!

Just a quick glimpse of my past week:

Our first hug when I picked up M from the airport

Actually...he picked ME up ;) (I tackled him in front of the escalators, so we had to make a quick relocation haha!)

                                   

That hug was wonderful...being apart for a month and a half is no fun

So so happy!

Hehe, we look so cheesy

After my first college choir concert; he's so handsome, especially all dolled up :) 

Oh, and I wore pigtails one day this week. Because, I'm definitely a grown woman and stuff....

I promise to write more and soon, but now I must rest up so that I don't get more sick =P

Hope you all have a blessed weekend!
Go Coogs!
-Alexandra Anne <3

My First Anniversary

I have a myriad of interesting nicknames; my favorite of the odd ones include "List girl," "girl who has to know," and "date girl." When I say date, I don't mean getting all dolled up and going out on the town (although I LOVE dates like that), I mean I keep track of time and countdown to things almost religiously. For example, how long has it been since I lived in Italy, how long have I been in Houston, how long til I see my family again, how many hours have I sat in this chair, etc etc etc.

Well, October 4th is a day I have been counting down to for a while now. I didn't even know originally how wonderful a day it would become. First off, it will be my 1 year anniversary with my wonderful man, my guy, my boyfriend Michael.

If I recall correctly, he asked me out on October 3rd, 2011, and I accepted on October 4th, 2011. That's when our relationship started. Our first date was a little less than a week later. :) I don't think I realized back then how much I would fall for this guy, and how much fun we would have! Honestly, I didn't even want a relationship back then. If it weren't for God tugging at my heart that night, I wouldn't have even talked to him. But I am so so so glad I did!

The night he met mom and two of my best friends :) 

His 20th birthday, where I met all of his friends for the first time; talk about nervous! I ended up loving all of them and they're all *my* friends now too ;)

My little brother wanted to be in pics too, so cute!!

Right before our first movie date! Sherlock Holmes 2 :) Such a fun time, even though I spilled popcorn in his new car... whoops =P

We took Jessika (one of many best friends) out to coffee after her recital this summer, and she snapped this shot. I call it, starbucks hug ;)

He's so handsome :) :) :) this was right after I graduated high school!

Can you tell I was sick? We visited Jessika and Jarrod that weekend, and got some early morning pics. I like this one. 

This summer, before I left for school, he took me on a sueprise picnic! I was definitely shocked. He and our moms planned it all out and deceived me ;) good job guys. One of my favorite dates for sure! 

That weekend at Jessika's :) I love this shot. I trust him so much!

Hehe ;)

After my senior recital in July :) 

 Anyway (sorry for the cornucopia of pictures...I'm just happy!)

I am super excited that we have been together for a year now!

But wait....there's more ;)

As of early September, I've been even MORE excited for October 4th. Why?
He's coming to visit me in Houston; yay!!!!!
First, I get to see my best friend/boyfriend for a whole weekend, but also, he is bringing me a part of home. That's what he represents to me right now. Not just someone whose hand I hold, but someone who is part of my home life. I won't see my family until Thanksgiving, which is still 2 months away, so it'll be nice to have part of that here. (Don't get me wrong, I love Houston, and love my new home! But my family will always be my family, so naturally I miss them).

Ever since M got his plane ticket, I have been counting down the days on a little chalkboard in my room ;) yeah, I'm slightly obsessed with countdowns. But it's part of my positivity and optimism. See, my system is such: I try to find something positive to look forward to in each day. It makes the days more enjoyable, and I  then become truly appreciative of each day! (We're never guaranteed tomorrow, make today count!)

So, on October 4th, I might ignore the world for a bit, but I will be cherishing each moment for sure.

Siblings and myself, Christmas 2011; I miss these kiddos!!

Family back home: I miss you lots. You should visit too ;) I'll see you soon though. I love you so much and thank you all for supporting me on this crazy adventure!
Friends back home: I'm sorry for not writing back quickly all the time. But I love ya'll and we must catch up when I am back home! (Feel free to visit ANY time; I have a couch hehe)
Friends in Houston: thank you for making me feel welcome :) I can't wait to meet more of you! It seems every week I make a new friend. This is a lovely town, and I am proud to call it my new home.

Have a good rest of the week, ya'll!
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo, alexandra anne <3