New Year, New Me

Ciao friends,

Boy oh boy, this year has been something else. I guess that's what a first year of marriage combined with college and opera performance and a part time job and personal development is like?

Yesterday was my birthday, and I am now at the point where I can probably get away with just saying "I'm a 20something" because that's easier and more delicate than revealing my birth year and actual age. I am grateful to have made it another year and I try my best to not take life for granted! But at the same time, I want people to respect me for me, not base their opinions on my age. Honestly I don't even have many friends "my age" but of all ages! Some of my closest friends are actually twice my age, and that's perfectly perfect for me.


Now that I *am* a new age, however, I think this is a good time to refocus my energy, thoughts, and productivity. It is my last year of college (yay super senior/music major/transfer student) but it is also the year of my standing up for myself and taking care of myself.

Taking care of myself physically and emotionally is my goal, and I don't always succeed, but it is my aim to be the best Alexandra I can be so I can better serve the world and help others. It is my hope that I will be a better wife and friend this year, and inspire others to be their best selves.

For the first time ever I am listening to podcasts and reading personal development intentionally, and WOW! We have SO much potential, ya'll! I mean really, you can be in the best part of your life or the worst, and you could change lives. I really believe it.

In fact, my name meaning (Hebrew, isn't that neat?) is: Helper of Mankind.

Well there you go! I was named to help others! But I gotta help myself too. That's been my biggest struggle.

I'm going to be very transparent right now, and if you don't want to deal with that then I suggest you find another post or blogger to read :)
I have been dealing with depression and it has taken physical tolls on my body that I am battling every day. This past summer I would have mornings where I woke up, said goodbye to my husband going off to work, and I would go back to sleep on the couch for hours and hours until I absolutely had to go somewhere (like my job). Then I would come home exhausted from my job (lifting heavy things by myself, standing outside for hours in the Alabama heat, not eating enough) and go to bed right after eating something out of necessity.
I felt I had no purpose, I felt no drive, I felt lost.

(side note: starving youtself and THEN eating is a really sucky way to go, don't do it! It's something I'm still battling, and I honestly have to FORCE myself to eat breakfast, and it's helped my energy and depression so much)

I wasn't living for the right reasons; some could argue that I wasn't really living at all.
But I have slowly begun changing my habits and building healthier ones. Thank God for the people in my life who have encouraged me and not left me (oh yeah, that adds to depression, getting friend dumped frequently and not being able to be close to people you desire that friendship with...). I have some amazing friends who are consistently there for me. Some of those friends happen to be coaches or fitness friends :)

You may be able to see where this is going: I am back to more regular workouts AND drinking Shakeology. I am still working on my consistency, but wow do I have energy and drive more than I used to. Yes, I still deal with depression and loneliness (I don't see my husband a few nights a week because of school) but working out TRULY helps me fight it and kick it in the butt!

So, the point of this ramble is:
*I want to inspire and help others
*I want to be the best Alexandra I can be (and be proud of this next year of life!)
*I want to have confidence and strength to chase my crazy dreams (DO IT, DREAM BIG!!!)


I'm not sure if I will be blogging regularly, or if I'll transition into vlogging on youtube, or maybe I'll do both! We shall see.
But let this post encourage you, please: YOU are worthy, YOU are capable, YOU can get out of the darkness and run freely in the light.

If I can help you in any way, even just by listening to you, please message or comment. <3


With Love,
Alexandra Anne

dealing with anxiety

Everyone goes through stressful situations in life, everyone goes through things that make them uncomfortable, but does anyone else know what true anxiety is like? What a panic attack does to your entire body and mind?

I'm no expert my any means, I haven't experienced all there is a body or mind can experience. But I have had my fair share of crap and horror and I want to offer whatever I can to try to ease your pain even just a little.

So here are some tips I go to, if I can, when I need to find peace and rest




* Drink water- I always tell my husband that water is magic, and no matter the illness (physical or emotional) water helps so much. It also helps calm my breathing if I'm having a panic attack and my heart is racing (can we just take a moment to say "anxiety SUCKS," yeah I feel better letting that out, thanks guys). I also recommend hot tea for calming down, I love sleepytime tea, or peppermint (also good for soothing your stomach) or whatever I have on hand; add a little honey and you'll feel calmer in moments. 


*Lie down- sometimes all I want to do is curl up in my bed or on the couch and not face the world, and that's ok. eventually I do have to get up and put my big girl pants on, but we are allowed to have a moment (or a few!) to rest our bodies and honestly just ignore whatever stress is going on. Rest and sleep are important, and if you're like me and have trouble sleeping even in the best situations a few naps a week or rest times are vital! 


*Go for a walk- this is the opposite of the last point, but it can be just as effective. Walking stimulates the mind and the body and can give you endorphins (endorphins make people happy, happy people just don't shoot their husbands!). The fresh air feels good on your face, the movement sets your body at ease, Plus you can take your music and headphones, which leads me to the next point


*Listen to music- I made myself a therapy playlist (check out this post for some of my favorite playlists including that one) when I was dealing with an abusive situation and loss of people I could trust. Music has always been my physical constant, no matter what happens; music gets me through my wide array of emotions and feelings (do you have different music for different moods? I always feel like I'm the only one). 



*Light a candle (or incense)- I'm highly sensitive to smells, which means when I experience a pleasing smell I become so much more relaxed and can calm down. (It also makes my apartment smell fantastic, double win!) If you can't light a candle due to building restrictions like apartment rules or something, try making some coffee or baking an apple. Those smells are wonderful to me :)



*Just breathe- I know that sounds like "duh, of course I need to breathe," but really, try some breathing exercises and focus on that. When I'm having a panic attack I cannot breathe properly in the normal way, so I have to really work at this one, but it helps so so much, seriously. Some of my go-to's are "Count to 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4," or "Count backwards from ten super slowly." Sometimes I just have to focus on inhaling and exhaling, no other system than that. It really helps, I swear. :) 

I hope that some of these tips have helped you a little, even if they're simple and possibly intuitive, they're what I rely on and I am still on this journey every day. Some days are harder than others, and that's OKAY. Your journey is important too, and won't look like someone else's. You're going to be ok, I promise. 

If you need someone to talk to, please don't hesitate to contact me <3 

xoxo,
Alexandra Anne 

And Compliments

Last day of the 15-day Challenge. I know I didn't do all 15 days, but I've had fun with the days I did do!

Today's challenge is: What's the best compliment you've ever received.

I've heard it in different phrasings depending on who has spoken to me, but the best thing would probably be when someone tells me God has great plans for me and that I'm going to succeed. It's not just because they think I have talent, but they truly believe in God's glorious plan! I am so grateful and humbled to be part of that :)

"'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord. 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you'."

Have a great week ya'll!! <3

Xoxo,
Alexandra Anne

PS. Let me know if you'd like to do a guest post sometime :) And keep an eye out for Emily's post next Sunday!

It's Ok To Cry...To Feel...

Around the blog world we link up with The Gypsy Mama for Five Minute Friday. The goal is to write for five minutes straight, with no editing or backtracking, and then post.

Today's word:

Ache.

Ready? GO!

I close my eyes tightly and hold my breath. I don't want him to see...to know...but it is so strong, I cannot hide it.
"Are you ok?"
In a whisper...."no...."
He wraps his arms around and merely says "It's ok..it's ok to cry."

"Tell me not to worry about the money please?"
She tells me it's going to be ok, and God has a plan....
 my head is so muddled and everything confuses me. I want so badly to take care of it all on my own, but I can't.

Will we ever be friends again? Where is my life going? Will he really stay? Can I do this? 

I ache for all pain to go away. But I know God made me to feel. The aching only means I truly love people and that I can care for them. How sad would it be if we felt...nothing?

Trusting in God is the only thing to get me through the fears and the pain. I will admit, however much I don't want to, that I am scared. Scared of losing it all, scared of not making it, scared of the unknown.
But it's all in God's hands.
And with that knowledge and peace.... the aching goes away.

"Since no man knows the future, who can tell him what is to come? -Ecclesiastes 8:7

STOP.

What does the word "Ache" mean for you?

1 Chronicles 16:11 "Seek the Lord and His strength; seek His presence continually."