(sorry for the double post ya'll, we are dealing with blogger tech issues today!)
Deal breakers. We all have them, whether we admit it or not, and I’m here today to talk about some of my personal deal-breakers in relationships and in friendships.
First off, let me give you some background, if you’ve never read my posts before or don’t know me personally; I am a 20-something musician who recently got married to a wonderful engineer husband J We dated for 3.5 years before getting engaged, and had been together 4 years by the time we married. I had only sort of dated before him, but I definitely had relationships (my parents wanted me to “court” which they still would say I did, but honestly I dated my now-husband and just had relationships with a few other guys in high school prior to him).
If I hadn’t married my husband and still had to be dating (SO glad I’m done with that, because I think I would stink at dating, honestly…) here are my deal breakers!
*Can’t be a smoker- I’m a singer, and I think it’s downright disgusting. I have family members who still smoke and I love them, but I would never consider a romantic relationship with someone who smoked ever.
*Can’t be a different religion- I love having friendships of all types (and you’ll see this isn’t a deal-breaker for friendships) but when it comes to someone I must spend the rest of my life with and raise children with, we need to have the same values and morals and worldviews. I’m honestly baffled when I see marriages/relationships/etc where the couples believe vastly different things. How does that work? I need support in my relationship, and I need my partner to be able to back me up.
*Probably couldn’t be another musician. I mean, if I were trying to get to know people with common interests, or date someone I already knew, it might be a musician, but I would try to avoid it. I’m emotional as it is, and too sensitive for competition haha. Plus most of the men I interact with in music world are gay, so that just wouldn’t work either ;)
*Can’t be military. Again, I’m not judging those who choose that, but as a military daughter, I couldn’t handle being married to that lifestyle/world. It’s hard enough for me to sometimes be away from my husband because of school; if he were far away because he were fighting in a war, I would just go crazy and not be able to function.
*Can’t own a compensation truck. You know the type, the extra-too-large tires, the added subwoofer, too much sports paraphernalia, and usually is blasting loud rap or country music (oh I’m probably offending so many people right now…sorry ya’ll, I just can’t deal with those boys!).
I think that’s the big stuff for relationships. I’m just grateful I found a man who is perfect for my needs and feels the same way I do about the big stuff
For friendships
*Can’t be ok with hurting people- I know we all accidentally hurt each other, but some people seem to be ok with having malicious intent and truly want to hurt others, and that’s just not ok
*Needs to be ok with differences- guess what? I’m not gonna believe the same things you are 100% and that’s ok! It doesn’t mean I judge you for your beliefs and doesn’t mean I think I’m better than you. (I could re-title this, needs to not get offended by every little thing!) We should be allowed to talk about our different beliefs and learn from each other!
*Being fake- if you are two faced, and it always comes out, people are actually not good at hiding that, then I have zero respect for you. If you’re bubbly and sweet and kind to Amy but turn right around and tell Marie that you are better than anyone else, I will probably want to punch you. (I wish I could smack some people sometimes, not to hurt them, but to show them they are NOT all that, and that they are pretty darn rotten. But alas, that is assault)
*Can’t think it’s ok to lie. This goes along with being two faced, but lying means there is no trust or faith in the friendship, and if you can’t be honest with me and have to lie to my face, then I am not interested. I am honest and loyal, sometimes to a fault, but I think that’s better than lying.
What are some of your deal-breakers?
Thanks so much to Brita for hosting me today!
Xoxo,
Alexandra Anne
Meet Brita Long: Christian feminist blissfully married to Dan Fleck for almost two years. Lover of Paris, pink sparkles, sensible shoes, manicures, and books. Fueled by hot tea and mimosas.
Meet Erin Otts: Southern Christian Wife, Married to Matthew for almost 2 years, Fur-Mama, Lover of Coffee and a good glass of Vino, Reading, Dreamer, Huge Netflix/TV Binger. Trying to find her way in this world with God and her Husband.
That reminds me of two other deal-breakers I had. I will never be a military wife OR a minister's wife. Just not for me!
ReplyDeleteIt's actually easier for me as a Christian feminist to be married to an atheist. Just because my husband doesn't believe in God doesn't mean we have different values or morals, or that he's unable to support me. I have been very turned off by many Christian men I've met who lacked my values and morals, the same ones I share with my atheist husband.